Rest…and the rest
It’s not just because our comfy Vancouver bed has a beautiful view and crisp sheets with an awesome heavy down-type comforter. It’s not just because my awesome hubby gets up to make us lattes in the morning.
I think it’s because I’ve been tired for decades.
As a mom of 5 with a hubby who usually woke up about 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. (even on weekends) to do computer work before heading off to see his patients, “sleeping in” became simply a happy memory from my early 20’s. Really, I’ve always worked and studied too much and was chronically exhausted even back then. I’m just too “trained” to sleep in. We’ve been on the road now for two months and I almost always wake up between 3:30 and 5:30 a.m. Sometimes I go back to sleep for an hour or two. Tim, on the other hand, can sleep almost an unlimited amount anywhere, any time. I know he’s even way more exhausted than I am after working two jobs for decades!
While Tim was resting, fishing, in Spokane, I was mostly working on getting our website up and finalizing changes in banking, credit cards and legal documents, as well as trying to organize photos for our kids. Essentially, I was still “working” when we weren’t out playing, trying to get everything “done” before we left the U.S. for unknown Wi-Fi and data connections.
Although we have excellent Wi-Fi and data in Canada, I’m done working. I’m really done. I retired from office work at the end of April, but now I’ve retired from the business of our old life. Sure, I’ll be doing the bills and travel planning, and I’m (fortunately!) still a mom, but all the tasks on even my lowest priority “to do lists” (accumulated over many years of procrastination) are finished.
I’m not even sure how to feel. In Vancouver, I’ve finally let my shoulders drop. I’ve let myself sit and stare at our beautiful view, doing nothing. For the first time in my life, my mind has stopped racing (well, most of the time). We’ve at least “rested in,” snuggling and dozing off and on until 10 or 11 some days (scandalous, I know!). We’ve had coffee in bed for the first time in decades. I just get to hang out with my best friend all day, every day, with no plans, nowhere we need to be, nothing we need to do.
Sure, we’ve relaxed all our life at times—on vacation, on a day trip wine tasting, during occasional weekend downtime (usually only a few hours)—but that was borrowed time. You know what I mean? When the whole time you are relaxing, you are still thinking about the things you should be doing and feeling a bit guilty? Or you worked double-time to be able to take that vacation and know you’ll do the same to catch up when you return?
This is different. This time is free, not borrowed. And there’s no end to it.
Is it lazy idleness? I don’t think so. We still do purposeful things—just on a natural schedule. It feels incredibly healthy. This is part of the reason we retired early to become nomads—we could literally feel the stress slowly killing us.
Rest. Real un-borrowed, de-stressed rest. It feels amazing! It feels like real freedom. I can’t wait to get used to it and start actually sleeping in.
