Pssst.  I’m going to tell you one of my secrets to a happy life.  No, it’s not “travel full time,” though that does help!  I’ve got a bunch of these sort-of rules that I live by—I’ve learned them from unhappiness and trials—and they shield me from unhappiness and negativity most of the time. 

It occurred to me at breakfast this morning that I live by this wisdom now, even though I hadn’t put it into words before.  The dining room was so busy that they seated us in their “overflow” room, which I’ve been eyeing for a couple of weeks thinking it must be for suite guests or something.  It has that monochromatic, natural, peaceful vibe I like. 

I couldn’t believe our good luck and told Tim this room would be a great spot for private gatherings, small wedding receptions, etc., wondering what else they use it for.  I was perfectly thrilled, explaining why I was enjoying the setting, when he said….”except for all the seams peeling on the wallpaper.”  I turned behind me and as you can see from the picture, the seams are, in fact, in terrible shape. 

I didn’t really appreciate his rain on my parade, so I explained WHY I NEVER LOOK TOO CLOSELY.

Have you ever been perfectly happy with your home, the lovely atmosphere you’ve created as your happy place…..until you start deep cleaning?  Where did those chips on the tile come from?  Which kid is bouncing basketballs in here making cracks in the tile?!  How did I not notice that something or someone left a line on the paint in the entry?  How did the stainless get scratched and dented?  What is that smell—kid shoes?!  How do these blinds get so dusty so fast?  Uggg…the baseboards….

Hot tip…that’s why I always had a cleaning lady!  At the risk of sounding privileged (we were not rich!), I just made the cleaning budget a priority to keep myself sane…and protect the rest of the family.  If I knew it was professionally cleaned, I didn’t look closely and didn’t notice the details.  Thus, I did not get frustrated with the kids’ damages nor did I nag Tim to replace “that square of tile” (he always loved those crazy requests!).  I discovered creative usage of throw rugs cover all sorts of evil.

I eventually went from neurotically cleaning and dressing before people came over (even the kids’ friends) to really not caring what the house or myself looked like.  Instead of the kids (or myself!) not wanting to invite someone over because it would initiate a cleaning frenzy, our home became an “open door” place where friends were welcome to walk in any time, whether our kids were home or not.  And I even stopped caring if I was wearing makeup most of the time (shocking I know, if you’ve seen our YouTube videos!). 

Because honestly what we ALL want is a welcoming place to see people we care about and feel comfortably at home, not a place where perfection is expected.  If others nit-pick your details, that is THEIR problem, not yours.

Now that we have no home and live in AirBnBs, hotels, and cruise cabins, I must amp this attitude up to 10.  I loosely take stock of what a BnB kitchen has and make the best of it without bemoaning all the kitchen tools I WISH it had.  I find ways to make the furniture more comfy.  I would clean if it was noticeably dirty but I don’t white glove any room.  Whether visiting a city or a beach, I look for the beauty and focus on what appeals to me, ignoring trash or whatever would bring down my joy level.  Because everywhere has its issues if you look closely.

Finding happiness in life is a mental discipline.  I’ll explain more in a blog someday but I have lived enough of my life in physical and emotional pain to have learned to stand up to the thoughts, heart attitudes and mental perspectives that steal my joy.  Living life to the fullest, being my happiest, becomes simply an exercise of choosing what to dwell on and what to let slide off.

Sure, there are times when the basics expected of a place are repulsive or unacceptable—especially if it’s a health or safety issue—and that must be dealt with.  But if it’s largely appealing and functional, don’t ruin your joy by focusing too much on the details.  I say this as a former perfectionist who made a contractor re-do almost all the tile in the bathroom and still wasn’t happy.  All I did was make everyone miserable and angry, and I threw away the joy I should’ve had over my new bathroom.  We all know from cleaning and home-improvement projects that perfection is impossible.

Next time I find a stray hair in a shower (again), I will rinse it down and assume it belonged to me or Tim.  But if I find a stray pair of red thong panties behind the toothbrush holder in my cruise cabin…again…I will ask for the room to be re-cleaned!

Happiness is a mental game and I choose not to focus on details that defeat me.  I even usually ignore the minor fact that Tim is still working on adopting this mindset….so…

Next time the wallpaper is peeling, we will not take a picture and show it to you, but instead just continue to enjoy the peaceful vibe as we enjoy our breakfast, even if the service is slow and they serve Tang instead of orange juice.  None of that matters.  I ignore it or am amused. We ate decent, nourishing food, with a beautiful ocean view—how blessed are we?!   

Life is too short to forfeit all the happiness we can find in every moment of every day.